my heart says yes, my mind says wait

When the world is a fishbowl, when the world is a net

swim, swim, swim away... and drown.

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Stateless - Bloodstream

#190: best of you/ Sunday, May 22, 201111:26 PM

Had a very busy day yesterday. Korean class and carnival at north wing campus, and then straight to 2AM showcase and then back to south wing campus for Unifest 2011. My first unifest and it was already superb. We missed Mizz Nina's performance though, we ran up the stairs while she was singing. But fortunately we got to catch up with Shawn Lee! We were like eels in the crowd swimming to the front row and had so much fun during Busco and Shawn Lee's performances. I am ready for Unifest 2012.

It felt like Green Plugged, well obviously I've never attended any gigs at Korea. But I guess the feeling that I had yesterday night would be the same when I enjoy them in Korea. When I had my eyes closed, when they strummed their strings, when they did their ad libs. You could see why are they doing this and how much they have gone through just to do this.

Sometimes, I don't even know how the hell do I want to live my life. Things I want to do and see can't be found in this country. No one supports me, no one knows why the hell do I want to do this and not that. Why the hell am I so stubborn there are other options all the time. And the point of saying this is....... I don't even know.

To know and understand a person takes time. A decade, or maybe a century to just see his obverse or even his fake side of him.

But in this 3 weeks time, all I see is him.

I don't mind travelling alone, seriously. I think I'll grow even better and stronger if I'm all left alone for a period of time. I believe that everyone has a decent side and know better of themselves when they are alone. But my mother has issues. She thinks that I have to have a someone with me. I need to be left alone. I need to be isolated. I don't know but I tend to care about people more than my own self. I don't really love myself. My superego would be telling me that I'm a selfish bitch if I cared for myself instead of the others.

But .... people don't really like that way I care for them.

And they don't know that I can be happy for a long time with tiny things. Even when you twitch your fingers or blink your eyes. You have to tell me if you like it, I need to know seriously.

I want to go to Seoul. Not to travel. I don't really want to go there and explore palaces nor sights seeing nor stalk idols. I want to be there for a month or two and be strayed or stroll to look for hidden alleys. I want to be there for all the indie music gigs and you do not need to know my burning passion towards Korean-indie music. I want to meet great people. I want to stop thinking about you.

I will and I can, I know. Infinity, is my answer to all my doubts in myself.

Labels: follow the sun, live music, sincerely

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